Depression
Winter in Québec and the dark months
How to cope with seasonal depression in a long Québec winter: what seasonal affective disorder is, how light therapy works, and when to see a doctor.
Blog
88 posts. Autism found late, anger, anxiety, addiction and recovery, therapy, love, loneliness. My take.
Topics
Anger & meltdowns6Autism, late12ADHD & AuDHD3OCD3Anxiety & the bubble4Abandonment & BPD4Self-worth & sabotage9Depression4Crisis & suicide9Addiction & recovery9Therapy & meds9Partners & family4Loneliness & people5Living better7
Latest
Living better
What lakes and trees do for my nervous system
Does nature help mental health? A guy with ASD living by the lakes and forest of La Petite-Nation on what being outside does for anxiety, and its limits.
Anger & meltdowns
Repairing after a blow-up
How do you apologize after losing your temper? What a real apology needs, the traps I fell into for years, and when sorry stops being enough.
Abandonment & BPD
Losing my father at seven
How does losing a parent as a child affect you as an adult? What the big registry studies found, and how it ties into my fear of abandonment.
Therapy & meds
The social worker who gave a damn
How can a social worker help your mental health, and how do you get one in Québec? What they do, the CLSC and 811, and why one person who cares counts.
Autism, late
How masking broke me
Can masking cause burnout and mental illness? What the research says about autistic camouflaging, and what fifty years of it did to me.
Self-worth & sabotage
Bipolar or neurodivergent? Why I don't think my cycles were mania
How do you know if your mood swings are bipolar? How mania differs from an autistic or ADHD energy cycle, and why only a proper assessment can tell you.
Loneliness & people
Is being the life of the party a form of masking?
Is being the life of the party masking? Sometimes. How to tell enjoyment from performance, from a guy diagnosed late with ASD who played the role.
Anxiety & the bubble
The bubble (why I stay in, and how I push out of it)
How do you get out of your comfort zone when you have anxiety? Why my bubble keeps shrinking, and the small, boring steps that actually get me out.
All posts
Mental health apps that actually help (and the ones I'd skip)
What are the best mental health apps? Free, privacy-respecting picks like Insomnia Coach and PTSD Coach, which shut down, and which I'd keep off my phone.
If it's bad, it's good: living with an addictive personality
Is there such a thing as an addictive personality? What research says, what's better supported, and my own list. Plus gambling and gaming help in Québec.
Taking off a 50-year mask
How do you stop masking as an autistic adult after decades? What I'm trying, what's gone sideways, and why unmasking is slow on purpose.
What to bring to the psychiatric hospital
What to bring for a psychiatric hospital stay, what to leave home, and what staff will hold at intake. A practical list from someone who's been in.
In and out of therapy since I was eight
Why does therapy keep ending before it helps? Session caps. My cycle since age eight, and how to get continuity in Québec: CLSC, 811, insurance.
Hyperfocus, then the crash
Why you crash after hyperfocus, from someone who has done it for 50 years. What the crash is, why it hits ADHD and autistic brains, and what helps.
Boom, then crash (my energy cycle)
Why do I start things with huge energy and then crash? What I've learned about hyperfocus, autistic burnout and the boom-and-bust cycle, and what helps.
Loving someone in recovery, seen from my side of the table
How do you support a partner in addiction recovery? What I've learned from sixteen years off cocaine and heroin, and the groups built for partners.
How I'm learning to control the outbursts
How do you stop angry outbursts? What's working for me after decades of blowing up, from early warning signs to DBT skills, therapy and groups.
Was I self-medicating undiagnosed autism?
Do undiagnosed autistic adults self-medicate with drugs? What the research says, and what I've asked myself since my late autism diagnosis.
What masking is, from a guy who did it for 50 years
What is autistic masking? A plain explanation from someone who masked for 50 years without knowing it, with what the research says it costs.
What a psych ward is really like
What is a psychiatric ward really like? Less movie, more waiting room. An honest look from someone who checked himself in.
Books for the late-diagnosed (with honest caveats)
What to read after a late autism diagnosis. Books I'd hand a newly diagnosed adult, what each gets right, and the catch with each one.
How OCD is actually treated (ERP in plain words)
The best treatment for OCD is exposure and response prevention (ERP), sometimes with medication. What ERP is and how to find it in Québec.
Does depression ever leave for good?
Does depression ever go away permanently? What the guidelines say about relapse, what lowers the odds, and what "better" looks like in real life.
Why a good night out wipes me out
Why am I exhausted after socializing, even when it went well? A guy with ASD in his mid-fifties on the social hangover, masking, noise, and what helps.
BPD, autism or trauma? Untangling the labels
Is it BPD or autism? How borderline personality disorder, autism and trauma overlap, how they're told apart, and why the right label matters.
When you hate yourself (what helped me, and where to get help)
What do you do when you hate yourself? What helped me, why self-hatred is often a symptom of something treatable, and where to get help today.
Is there a pill for meltdowns? What I found out
Is there medication for autistic meltdowns and anger? What guidelines say, why there's no meltdown pill, and what medication can treat alongside autism.
Burnout or depression? How I learned to tell them apart
Autistic burnout and depression look alike from the outside. The differences that matter, why they need different help, and how I tell them apart.
What actually stops my panic attacks
How do you stop a panic attack? Slow breathing, staying put, and letting it peak and pass. What helps me in the moment, and what treats panic for good.
Why relapse after years clean is so dangerous
After years clean, tolerance is gone and the street supply has changed. Why relapse is so dangerous, and how to stay alive if it happens.
I checked myself into psychiatry
Can you check yourself into a psychiatric hospital? Yes. How voluntary admission works, and the month I chose to stay after my 1998 attempt.
Did antidepressants change who I am?
Do antidepressants change your personality? What they can and can't do, emotional numbness as a side effect, and why depression changes you more.
Can video games be good for your mental health?
Are video games good for mental health? A game designer with autism and a recovery history on Tetris research, Celeste, and when gaming turns into hiding.
How long autistic burnout lasts (mine was a COVID breakdown)
How long does autistic burnout last? What the research says (three months or more), what mine looked like, and what actually shortens it.
Building self-esteem after 50
Can you build self-esteem later in life? Yes. What the research says about self-esteem and age, and what is slowly working for me in my mid-fifties.
Dual diagnosis, when it's the drugs and everything else
What dual diagnosis (concurrent disorders) means, why addiction and mental health need treating together, and where to start in Québec.
Living with someone's outbursts, and where the line is
Living with someone who explodes: what helps at home, why their anger isn't yours to manage, and the clear line where outbursts cross into abuse.
I can run a room, but my close friends are far away
Why can you be social but have no close friends? A former agency CEO on performing in public, masking, and the fear of letting anyone close.
What autistic burnout actually is
What is autistic burnout? Months of exhaustion, lost skills, and less tolerance for noise and people. Rob Scales explains it, with the research behind it.
Signs of adult ADHD that hide in plain sight
What are the signs of ADHD in adults? The obvious ones, the ones that hide behind "just how I am", and how to get assessed in Canada and Québec.
What group therapy is really like (from a guy who hates groups)
What group therapy is like: how a session runs, therapy groups vs peer support groups, what the evidence says, and how to tell if a group is safe.
Imposter syndrome and the neurodivergent brain
Is imposter syndrome worse for autistic and ADHD people? What the research shows, why masking feeds it, and what I've noticed in my own head.
When anger is really depression
Can depression make you angry? Yes. How a short fuse can be depression in disguise, how to tell, and what to do if your anger scares people.
Self-harm, and why I ended up covered in tattoos
Can tattoos help with self-harm urges? My story, why tattoos are not a treatment, what real help looks like, and how to talk to someone who self-harms.
Intermittent explosive disorder, explained by someone who explodes
What is intermittent explosive disorder (IED)? Plain facts, how it differs from meltdowns and regular anger, and how to get assessed in Québec.
Where fear of abandonment comes from
What causes fear of abandonment in adults? Attachment, old hurts, being the odd one out, and when it's part of something like BPD. A plain-language look.
NA or SMART Recovery? How I'd pick
NA vs SMART Recovery, explained by someone sixteen years off cocaine and heroin. How each one works, what it costs, and how to pick the one you'll go back to.
Grief and relief after a late autism diagnosis
Is it normal to grieve after a late autism diagnosis? Yes. Rob Scales on the relief, the anger and the grief for lost years after finding out at 50.
Agoraphobia after 40
Can you develop agoraphobia later in life? Yes. What it is, why it can start after 40 or even 65, how it differs from autism, and how it's treated.
How to help someone who is thinking about suicide
How can you help someone who is suicidal? Ask directly, listen without judging, don't promise secrecy, connect them to help, and know when to call 911.
Intrusive thoughts don't mean you want it
Do intrusive thoughts mean you want to do it? No. Why unwanted violent or sexual thoughts happen, why fighting them backfires, and when to get help.
What actually happens in a first therapy session
What happens in a first therapy session: the questions they ask, confidentiality, fees, and how to tell if the therapist is a fit. From someone who's been.
Feeling like a fraud at the front of the room
Why do you feel like a fraud even when you succeed? Imposter feelings, what the research says, and why masking autistic adults may feel it hardest.
Sixteen years clean, and what it's actually like
What is life like after 16 years clean? Quieter, more boring, better. An honest look at sixteen years without cocaine or heroin, problems included.
Hobbies and special interests as medicine (with a warning label)
Can hobbies improve mental health? A guy with ASD who writes, designs games, shoots photos and dives on how special interests help, and the burnout risk.
Why nobody saw my autism for 50 years
Why are some autistic adults never diagnosed as kids? Old criteria, masking, and louder problems. Rob Scales on how his autism went unseen for 50 years.
How to tell someone you're thinking about suicide
How do you tell someone you're having suicidal thoughts? Who to tell, the actual words, texting it if talking is too hard, and what if they react badly.
Making friends after 50, when you'd honestly rather stay home
How do you make friends after 50? Practical, unglamorous advice from a guy with ASD in his mid-fifties whose close friends all live far away, trying anyway.
Yes, autistic adults have meltdowns
Do autistic adults have meltdowns? Yes. What sets them off, why adults hide them until they get home, and what helps, from a guy diagnosed late.
What therapy costs in Québec, and the free options
How much a psychologist costs in Québec, what RAMQ and insurance cover, and the free and lower-cost options, from CLSCs and 811 to university clinics.
Lonely in a marriage with an autistic man
Why do partners feel lonely married to an autistic man? What partners describe, what's going on from his side, and what can actually change.
Getting an adult autism assessment in Québec
How to get an adult autism assessment in Québec: the free public route through your CLSC, the private psychologist route, waits, costs and what to bring.
How I'm interrupting my self-sabotage
How do you stop self-sabotaging? What helps me catch the urge to wreck good things, and what psychologists say works, including self-compassion.
Do cravings ever go away?
Do drug cravings ever go away? They fade a lot, but not in a straight line. What research says, and what sixteen years without cocaine or heroin feels like.
Why I leave before I can be left
Why do some people leave relationships before the other person can leave them? Fear of abandonment, from someone who has done it for decades.
What depression looks like in men
What does depression look like in men? Often less like sadness and more like anger, exhaustion, drinking or overwork. The signs, and where to get help.
Will they send the police? Crisis line myths
Will a crisis line call the police on you? What 988 and 1 866 APPELLE actually say about emergency services, tracing, confidentiality and who can call.
How I figured out I was autistic as an adult
How do adults find out they're autistic? Usually after something breaks. Rob Scales on the signs he'd lived with for 50 years and the route to an assessment.
Why I can't sleep, and what's actually helping
Why anxiety and autism wreck sleep, from a guy with ASD who has spent a lot of nights awake. What helps, what doesn't, and when to see a doctor.
AuDHD explained, autism and ADHD in one head
What is AuDHD? A plain explanation of having both autism and ADHD, how common it is, why it's missed, and the questions I've had to ask myself.
Why I got scared to leave the house
Why am I scared to leave the house? Anxiety, sensory overload, depression or agoraphobia. What sits behind it, why avoidance feeds it, and what helps.
CBT, DBT and ACT in plain words
CBT, DBT and ACT explained plainly: what each therapy does, who it's for, and what to ask for in Québec.
Fear of success is real
Is fear of success a real thing? Yes. Where the idea comes from, what drives it, and what it looks like in someone who backs away every time things work.
Getting through opioid withdrawal safely
How do you safely get through opioid withdrawal? With medical help, not alone. Why it matters, where to go, and the overdose risk nobody warns you about.
Close friends, just none close by
Is it normal to have few or no close friends as an adult? More common than people admit. My honest take in my mid-fifties, and the numbers behind it.
Was getting diagnosed autistic worth it at my age?
Is an autism diagnosis worth it as an adult? Rob Scales, diagnosed at 50, on what it changed, what it didn't, and the honest downsides.
Meltdown or tantrum? The adult version
What's the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum in adults? A guy diagnosed late with ASD on how to tell them apart, in others and in yourself.
What actually happens when you call a crisis line
What happens when you call 988 or 1 866 APPELLE, step by step: the recorded message, who answers, what they ask, and when emergency services get involved.
OCD that has nothing to do with cleaning
Most OCD isn't about cleaning. The types people miss, like harm thoughts, checking, scrupulosity and mental rituals, and how they differ from autism.
Supporting a partner diagnosed autistic late in life
How to support a partner diagnosed autistic as an adult, from the guy who got the diagnosis: what helped at home, what didn't, and support for you too.
Does exercise really help? My honest answer
Does exercise help depression and anxiety? Yes, with limits. What the NHS and WHO say, and why my all-or-nothing brain keeps wrecking my own plans.
Why I wreck things when they go well
Why do people sabotage themselves when things go well? Self-handicapping, low self-esteem and the autistic cost of success, from someone who does it.
How long the brain takes to heal from cocaine
How long does it take the brain to heal from cocaine? What the research shows about recovery in the first months and year, from someone sixteen years out.
Finding a therapist in Québec who actually gets autism
How to find an autism-aware therapist or psychologist in Québec: the public route, the OPQ directory, what to ask first, and red flags.
Diagnosed with autism at 50? Yes, that happens
Can you be diagnosed with autism at 50? Yes. Rob Scales found out at 50, mid-breakdown. What an adult assessment involves and where to start.
Why I explode over small things (the robplosion)
Why do small things set off a huge explosion? Where the word "robplosion" came from, what I've learned sits underneath it, and what helps now.
Life after my 1998 suicide attempt
Is there life after a suicide attempt? I tried to take my life in 1998. What came after, what wasn't easy, and what I'd tell someone who survived one.