I should start with the disclaimer, because it matters. I don't have a diagnosis of intermittent explosive disorder. Mine are Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), BPD and ADHD.
But I've read the description of IED more times than I'd like to admit, and every time a few lines land a bit close. So this is the post I'd have wanted back when a friend first started calling my blow-ups robplosions, nearly twenty years ago. Plain facts first, then the stuff I've had to ask myself.
What intermittent explosive disorder is
Intermittent explosive disorder, IED for short, is a recognised mental health condition. According to Mayo Clinic, it means repeated, sudden episodes of angry or aggressive outbursts that are out of proportion to whatever set them off. In real life that can mean yelling, threats, smashed things, sometimes worse.
A few details from that page worth knowing:
- Episodes are usually short, often under 30 minutes.
- It's a long-term condition, but it may get less severe with age.
- Treatment is usually talk therapy, and sometimes medication.
The key phrase is "out of proportion". Everybody gets angry. IED is when the size of the reaction has nothing to do with the size of the problem, and it keeps happening.
The parts I recognise, and the parts I don't
The out-of-proportion part, yes. A small thing, a huge reaction. That's basically the definition of a robplosion. I wrote the whole story in Why I explode over small things (the robplosion).
The speed, yes. It came fast, it peaked fast, and it was over before I really understood what had happened. Then a weird flash of relief, followed by a much longer stretch of regret.
But here's where I get careful. When I look back now, with an autism diagnosis in hand, a lot of my outbursts line up with overload. Too much noise, too many people, too many hours pretending. That looks more like an autistic meltdown than a disorder of its own. And some of them, if I'm honest, were just me being a loud boss who'd learned that loud works. Kind of. Sort of. Not always. Either way, that's not leadership, and it's not something I'm proud I learned.
So: some IED-shaped things, some meltdowns, some plain bad temper. I don't know the split. That's exactly why it's a question for a professional and not for a blog.
How IED is different from a meltdown or ordinary anger
This is my layman's sketch, not a clinical one.
Ordinary anger is in proportion, mostly. Somebody wrongs you, you get mad, it fades. The NHS's page on anger treats it as a normal emotion that becomes a problem when it's affecting your life.
An autistic meltdown is a loss of control caused by overload. It's tied to sensory, emotional or information load building up, and it tends to come with a run-up you can learn to spot. More on that in Meltdown or tantrum? The adult version.
IED is a pattern of explosive outbursts that are way bigger than the trigger, over and over, and that aren't better explained by something else.
That last bit is the important one. Outbursts can come from a lot of places, and a good assessment is mostly about ruling things in and out.
Things that can look like IED
From what I've read and lived, these are worth putting on the table with a doctor:
- Depression. In men especially, it doesn't always look sad. Sometimes it looks angry. I wrote about that in When anger is really depression.
- Autism, with meltdowns from overload.
- ADHD, which often comes with trouble regulating emotions. That one I do have.
- Trauma. The NHS mentions that people who've been through traumatic events sometimes develop PTSD, which can lead to angry outbursts.
- Alcohol and drugs. The NHS also notes that substances make some people more aggressive. That was part of my picture for years. I haven't touched cocaine or heroin in sixteen years.
Often it's more than one. Mine certainly was.
How to get assessed (in Québec)
If you're reading this and nodding a bit too much, don't diagnose yourself off a website. Mine included.
In Québec, the government's mental health page lays out the routes in: Info-Social 811, your family doctor or GMF, your CLSC, or community organisations. Public mental health services are free. If you're outside Québec, your family doctor is the usual first stop.
Go in with notes. How often it happens, what sets it off, how long it lasts, what happens after, and if you've ever hurt anyone or broken things. It's uncomfortable to write down. Write it down anyway.
Where the line is
IED or not, the effect on the people around you is the same. If the people you live with are afraid of you, that's abuse, and the diagnosis doesn't change that. It's on you to get help. In Québec, SOS violence conjugale answers 24/7 at 1 800 363-9010 for anyone living in fear at home. If you're the one exploding, the NHS is clear that acting in an abusive or violent way is a reason to see a doctor.
The practical stuff on getting outbursts under control is in How I'm learning to control the outbursts.