Drugs. Gambling. Gaming. Sex. Alcohol. Self-harm. Smoking.
That's my list. I call it my "addictive personality", and there's a motto that goes with it, which I'd never say out loud at a dinner party: if it's bad, it's good.
I haven't touched cocaine or heroin since 2010. That one I'm proud of. The rest of the list is the rest of the list. It's still how my brain is built, and I'm still learning what to do with that.
So, is there such a thing as an addictive personality? Not as a single trait, no. Researchers have looked for one for decades and haven't found it. What holds up better is a set of risk factors that can stack: impulsivity and sensation seeking, anxiety, trauma and stress, ADHD, genetics, and using substances or behaviours to cope with pain. Those can push you toward more than one addiction at once. Which, if you look at my list, sounds about right.
What the research actually says
Science writer Maia Szalavitz went through this in Scientific American. Her bottom line: there's no universal set of traits shared by everyone with an addiction. She quotes George Koob, who directs the US National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, saying it "doesn't really exist as an entity of its own."
What she lays out instead are a few different paths in. One runs through impulsivity and sensation seeking. Another runs through anxiety, where using is more about calming down. Some people get both, swinging between scared and reckless. The common thread is trouble regulating yourself, not one personality type. She also notes that only about half of people with an addiction have more than one.
So I'm in the half with a long list. Not exactly a club I'd have picked.
What's better supported than "addictive personality"
Trauma and stress. The US National Institute on Drug Abuse lists inherited traits, adverse environments, trauma and stress as common risk factors for both substance use and other mental health conditions. I lost my father at seven. I was in therapy at eight. I'm not saying that explains everything. I'm saying it's on the table.
Self-medication. NIDA also says people dealing with anxiety, depression, stress or pain may use drugs to try to feel better, especially when they can't get mental health care. CAMH says more than half of people with substance use disorders have had mental health problems at some point. I wrote about this in was I self-medicating undiagnosed autism?, and the overlap of addiction with everything else in dual diagnosis.
ADHD and the reward system. NIDA notes that ADHD is linked to some of the same brain changes involved in drug cravings, which may be why people with both report stronger cravings. I have ADHD, along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Looking back at the list with that in hand made a lot more sense than "you're just weak."
Impulsivity. Act now, think later. If you've got it, you know.
"If it's bad, it's good"
This is the part the research doesn't really cover, so here's mine.
Part of it was the rush. Part of it, honestly, was punishment. Some voice in me decided a long time ago that I don't deserve the good stuff, so I may as well have the bad stuff, and if it hurts, fine, I had it coming. Self-punishment wearing a party hat.
It's the same streak that showed up in high school, when I self-harmed. I talk about that, carefully, in self-harm, and why I ended up covered in tattoos.
What helped me see it was naming it. The label "addictive personality" didn't do it, and it's shaky science anyway. The motto did. Once I could hear "if it's bad, it's good" as a sentence in my head, I could start arguing with it. I don't always win. But I hear it now.
What about gambling and gaming?
They count. CAMH describes addiction as something that can involve any behaviour that's out of control, and problem gambling is a big one.
In Québec, Jeu : aide et référence is free, confidential and open 24/7 for gambling, video games and internet use. Call 1 800 461-0140 anywhere in Québec, or 514 527-0140 in Montréal. They also help family members.
There's also Gamblers Anonymous, a free peer group if that style works for you.
Cravings are their own beast, whatever the thing is. I wrote about whether they ever fade in do cravings ever go away?
If you're trying to quit something
Some things you can quit on willpower and bad moods. Some you can't do safely alone. If you drink heavily or use opioids or sedatives, don't stop cold on your own. Withdrawal can be dangerous. Get medical help first, from your doctor, your CLSC, or a hospital.
In Québec, the government's alcohol, drugs and gambling section points to help, and Drogue : aide et référence is open 24/7.
And if you see your own list in mine, don't waste years arguing about whether "addictive personality" is real. The pattern is real. Get help for the pattern.